We all struggle with expectations and disappointments.
In fact, the reason I was inspired to write about expectations and disappointments is because of a recent conversation I had with my therapist. One week ago, I was telling my therapist about actions that left me deeply disappointed in some friends, and how I did not see it coming.
When she asked me what I could have done to handle things differently, I said, “I should have known better and managed my expectations.”.
It was then that she told me something that I will always remember.
She said, “You should never expect people to do the same things you are willing to do for them. And that does not make them bad people, it just means you need to be better at knowing who to invest in and how much to give. People can love you and care for you deeply and yet not have it in them to be empathetic and considerate. That is why YOU need to learn how to manage your expectations and set clear and firm boundaries.”
Managing expectations should be something that we all implement in all aspects of our lives. Whether with ourselves or in our professional and personal lives, knowing how to manage our expectations is essential in maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves and others.
Managing Personal Expectations
While having expectations can be healthy and push us to live up to our full potential, personal expectations can negatively impact us if left unmanaged.
No one can be as hard on us as we are on ourselves. We tend to expect too much from ourselves and even set unrealistic expectations. This kind of behavior will eventually leave us feeling stressed, self-critical, and at times hating ourselves.
Therefore, it is important that we learn how to manage our expectations well. Here are some ways that can help you do just that:
- Let go of the need to be perfect
We all make mistakes. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we learn how to let go of being perfect.
- Stop comparing yourself to others
With social media and technology keeping our lives on display for everyone to see, it is important that we set boundaries and not compare ourselves to others. We all move at our own pace, and comparing ourselves to others might make us feel the need to be perfect.
- Stop judging yourself
We are our worst judges and critics. No one will ever judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves. It is normal to feel disappointed in ourselves and like we could have done better. However, realizing when it gets detrimental to our well-being is essential.
Instead of letting your self-judgment drag on to the point you end up hurting yourself, think of ways you can do better next time. Remember that we are learning as we go, and it is imperative that we go easy on ourselves.
- Get to know yourself
Knowing who we are at our very core is an integral part of setting realistic expectations. You cannot expect to run a marathon if you still haven’t mastered running 1K. Becoming aware of your own abilities, strengths, and weaknesses can help you set expectations that you can meet, and thus help you avoid the inner-critic inside of you.
While getting to know ourselves is no easy task, it is imperative to our overall well-being. Start by writing things you know you can do, identify what your goals are, and what you are good at. Journaling, talking to a friend, and spending time alone can help you figure out who you are at your core.
And remember, we grow and change every day, so keep an open mind and heart and learn how to be kind to yourself.
Managing Expectations From Others
Being unable to meet our personal expectations hurts, but so does the feeling of disappointment that comes when others don’t meet them as well.
But in these situations, is it our fault for expecting things, or is it the fault of others for not meeting them?
There is no right way to answer this question. However, knowing how to manage expectations from others is crucial in maintaining healthy and balanced relationships and friendships.
To do so, it is important that you get to know those around you. Check how your values align, do these people speak your language? Are they the kind of people who are willing to give you the kind of love and consideration you need/want?
By getting to know your friends and family, you are learning the kind of expectations you should have of them. In addition, it is important to understand that not everyone loves the way you do, and not everyone is willing to give as much as you do.
Therefore, it is imperative to understand the kind of people in front of you so that you know how to maintain boundaries and expectations.
Show Expectations Who Runs The Show!
At the end of the day, you should never let your expectations control your life and take charge. You need to make sure you know where to draw the line between you and others, and most importantly between you and yourself.
Some might say that expecting things from others is setting yourself up for disappointment. While others might argue that expectations are an integral part of any relationship. However, regardless of which side of the room you are on, it is imperative that you learn how to manage your expectations in a healthy manner so that you do not miss out on the thrill of expectations and also protect yourself from disappointments.
