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Twittersphere asks in Arabic: #What if Einstein was Lebanese?

Published March 16th, 2016 - 05:38 GMT

The 20th Century’s most influential physicist, Albert Einstein, had a birthday this week, March 14. He would've been 137, a pretty ridiculous age even for modern science's most popular poster boy.  But equally ridiculous are a spate of tweets spewed out by Beirut-based pranksters, (and already picking up momentum since the birth date) opining online: what would happen if the German, Jewish-born, genius was, in fact, Lebanese?  

Riduculous still by the fact that you'd think the Lebanese had enough to tweet and chatter about on this nationally-charged day, just given the calendar-date-named political party block, March 14, alone. But, leave it to the Lebanese to find a way into any topic, full throttle.

Since the eccentric German actually spent much of his adult years in Switzerland, where he raised his family (to first wife), maybe this hypothetical premise is not all that far-fetched. Who can forget the nostalgia rekindled by the 1960s Lebanon epithet, our Switzerland of the Middle East.  The Lebanese certainly do a fine job of keeping the stale, and less and less relevent, reference alive in the face of ongoing sectarian strife. 

Here are some of the #WhatIfEinsteinWasLebanese posits.  The originals are posted in Arabic; follow them via 
#لو_اينشتاين_لبناني

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The younger Einstein

"If Einstein were Lebanese he'd emigrate because he couldn't find a job." At one point, this byword for genius was a school dropout; and we know how much the Lebanese respect a good student. Our rebel dropped school in Italy and flunked college entry exams in Switzerland. It's never easy transferring schools and countries, even for a genius!

Einstein argeeleh #If Einstein was Lebanese

"If Einstein were Lebanese, his theory of relativity would have addressed the ratio of tobacco to charcoal that sits atop the sheesha pipe." In the same (tar-tainted) vein, most of his inspiration and epiphanies would have come about during those endless hours smoking argeeleh on the balcony, corniche or in the mountains.

Einstein thinking bulb #If Einstein was Lebanese

"If Einstein were Lebanese, he'd invent a landfill for politicians...then he'd take his invention to the rest of the Arab countries!" [Translator's note: a reference to Lebanon's recent and ongoing trash disposal crisis that has precipitated public protest from the people, presenting frustration with politicians and corruption].

Einstein relativity R=

"If Einstein were Lebanese his theory would have been "General Consensus" [Translator's note: Another general relatively joke, this time playing on the lack of consensus in selecting a new, and by now apocryphal, Lebanese president.]

Einstein problem-solving quote

"If Einstein were Lebanese, they would have locked horns over his religious affiliation, fighting to claim him as Sunni/ Shia/ Druze”. Only the Lebanese: good at creating problems and splitting down sectarian lines! His own clan would take up his theories on quantum physics, while the rest would party-on in the mountains in blissful ignorance!

Walid Jumblatt and Albert Einstein compared

Incidentally, speaking of the Druze, anyone else notice the uncanny resemblance to Chief of the Druze clan of Lebanon, Walid Jumblatt? This tweep did: “If Einstein were Lebanese, his people would have mistaken him for Walid Jumblatt!”. Enough said.

Einstein big hair, crazy look

"If Einstein were Lebanese he'd have high blood pressure, diabetes, anemia, and nerves – the standard state of every Lebanese person. So, no surprises there." And his hair would go white and stand on end too, due to his hair raising experiments.

Einstein on energy and matter

And more trash talk from this tweep: “If Einstein were Lebanese he'd fix the trash problem!" Einstein is famous for his principles on energy and matter. Apply these to the Lebanese trash conundrum and he'd defuse the garbage crisis by devising ways to clear out unwanted matter, namely, waste disposal. This big stink would not leave him stumped!

Everything is energy: Einstein

"If Einstein were Lebanese...He would have found a way to syphon or steal electricity without getting caught”. Einstein was all about energy – so here's how he'd deftly hack another Lebanese intractable problem: electricity (a household name in energy forms) and power cuts!

Einstein in shorts on the seaside

"If Einstein were Lebanese, they'd assassinate him. And I'm dead serious." His legs and dainty sandals are certainly killing us! Then they'd blame it on Syria (or Israel).

Einstein wife

"If Einstein were Lebanese Arab he'd be sad and lonely because his girlfriend left him to marry her cousin in the Gulf...And he'd try to invent a way for her to divorce!" Our historical Einstein actually mirrored this fictional Lebanese version: he married twice and after obtaining a divorce from the first, his second wife was his cousin!

Jewish Criterion Einstein

"If Einstein were Lebanese, Hezbollah would kill him for being Jewish." (Even though in the real realm he was long since an abdicator from his faith.) But back to our parallel universe where Lebanon and Israel are formally at war, his religion of birth would be problematic for some, even if his politics were neutral!

The younger Einstein
Einstein argeeleh #If Einstein was Lebanese
Einstein thinking bulb #If Einstein was Lebanese
Einstein relativity R=
Einstein problem-solving quote
Walid Jumblatt and Albert Einstein compared
Einstein big hair, crazy look
Einstein on energy and matter
Everything is energy: Einstein
Einstein in shorts on the seaside
Einstein wife
Jewish Criterion Einstein
The younger Einstein
"If Einstein were Lebanese he'd emigrate because he couldn't find a job." At one point, this byword for genius was a school dropout; and we know how much the Lebanese respect a good student. Our rebel dropped school in Italy and flunked college entry exams in Switzerland. It's never easy transferring schools and countries, even for a genius!
Einstein argeeleh #If Einstein was Lebanese
"If Einstein were Lebanese, his theory of relativity would have addressed the ratio of tobacco to charcoal that sits atop the sheesha pipe." In the same (tar-tainted) vein, most of his inspiration and epiphanies would have come about during those endless hours smoking argeeleh on the balcony, corniche or in the mountains.
Einstein thinking bulb #If Einstein was Lebanese
"If Einstein were Lebanese, he'd invent a landfill for politicians...then he'd take his invention to the rest of the Arab countries!" [Translator's note: a reference to Lebanon's recent and ongoing trash disposal crisis that has precipitated public protest from the people, presenting frustration with politicians and corruption].
Einstein relativity R=
"If Einstein were Lebanese his theory would have been "General Consensus" [Translator's note: Another general relatively joke, this time playing on the lack of consensus in selecting a new, and by now apocryphal, Lebanese president.]
Einstein problem-solving quote
"If Einstein were Lebanese, they would have locked horns over his religious affiliation, fighting to claim him as Sunni/ Shia/ Druze”. Only the Lebanese: good at creating problems and splitting down sectarian lines! His own clan would take up his theories on quantum physics, while the rest would party-on in the mountains in blissful ignorance!
Walid Jumblatt and Albert Einstein compared
Incidentally, speaking of the Druze, anyone else notice the uncanny resemblance to Chief of the Druze clan of Lebanon, Walid Jumblatt? This tweep did: “If Einstein were Lebanese, his people would have mistaken him for Walid Jumblatt!”. Enough said.
Einstein big hair, crazy look
"If Einstein were Lebanese he'd have high blood pressure, diabetes, anemia, and nerves – the standard state of every Lebanese person. So, no surprises there." And his hair would go white and stand on end too, due to his hair raising experiments.
Einstein on energy and matter
And more trash talk from this tweep: “If Einstein were Lebanese he'd fix the trash problem!" Einstein is famous for his principles on energy and matter. Apply these to the Lebanese trash conundrum and he'd defuse the garbage crisis by devising ways to clear out unwanted matter, namely, waste disposal. This big stink would not leave him stumped!
Everything is energy: Einstein
"If Einstein were Lebanese...He would have found a way to syphon or steal electricity without getting caught”. Einstein was all about energy – so here's how he'd deftly hack another Lebanese intractable problem: electricity (a household name in energy forms) and power cuts!
Einstein in shorts on the seaside
"If Einstein were Lebanese, they'd assassinate him. And I'm dead serious." His legs and dainty sandals are certainly killing us! Then they'd blame it on Syria (or Israel).
Einstein wife
"If Einstein were Lebanese Arab he'd be sad and lonely because his girlfriend left him to marry her cousin in the Gulf...And he'd try to invent a way for her to divorce!" Our historical Einstein actually mirrored this fictional Lebanese version: he married twice and after obtaining a divorce from the first, his second wife was his cousin!
Jewish Criterion Einstein
"If Einstein were Lebanese, Hezbollah would kill him for being Jewish." (Even though in the real realm he was long since an abdicator from his faith.) But back to our parallel universe where Lebanon and Israel are formally at war, his religion of birth would be problematic for some, even if his politics were neutral!

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