10 signs you've been bitten by the Middle East bug!

Published September 14th, 2016 - 11:02 GMT

Many expats agree that the tipping point for acclimating to a new culture is three years. That's three years before you can navigate your way knowlegably around a new major city, command enough of the language to find what you need, and fully absorb the subtle nuances of social mores. But how do you know you've made the shift from visitor to near-native?

It's when you don't quite fit back into the place you called home. A Facebook page named "You Know You’ve Been in The Middle East Too Long" posts UAE-specific examples, and you can buy a little book on Amazon - with the same title - for a more generic view.

An unscientific survey of the expats at Al Bawaba turned up these quirks.  Drop us a comment and tell how you know you were bitten by the Middle East bug!

 

 

 

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Do you get SUPER excited and butt into the conversation every time you hear someone speaking Arabic outside the Middle East? Do you use Arabic phrases like 'yallah', 'khallas', 'mabsoot' and 'y3ani' even when talking to non-Arab speakers? You've got the bug.

Do US supermarkets induce panic attacks after years of shopping in tiny local dukkene and veggie shops? Do you wonder why Americans need 10 different kinds of tomatoes? Forty types of salsa? And why so much laundry soap? Don't get us started on the dozens of hummus brands, all of which taste...wrong! You've got the bug.

Find that you need to drink twice as much coffee because Western brews don't match the octane levels of the Arabic stuff? You've got the bug.

You've lost your childhood mania for tinkling ice cream truck music. Now the tunes just make you wonder if you need more propane. Yup, it's the bug.

Whaaa...people are actually on-time to things?! Call a doctor, you've got the bug.

Armed with new tolerance (and testosterone levels!) for coping with queues, you expect lines to be 1 person deep and 30 people wide. Sadly, your new mastery of stealth 'cutting in' gets you nowhere back home. You've got the bug.

You feel naked wearing shorts and awkward showing shoulders, regardless of how much skin everyone else has displayed. Your sense of decorum is heightened. Stroll a public beach in a bikini? Don baggy sweats for a run to the shops? The judge is now internalized. You've got the bug!

Discovering that you absolutely can't “do your business” without a bathroom hose or bidet. Grossing out your friends by dropping used toilet paper in the waste bin instead of giving it a flush. And how are you supposed to mop the floor when it doesn't have a drain for you to squeegee water into it? Big time bug alert.

Accidentally grab your same-sex pal's arm as you walk, or choose more than a two-cheek smooch before remembering that people back home don't do that stuff...can cause gender-bending confusion that was never on your mind! You've got the bug.

You make all your right turns from left lanes, and only use your car horn to celebrate weddings or tawjihi. It's so amusing that the simple drivers of your homeland stay in their lanes and obey traffic rules, but you are mortified that the traffic cop doesn't patrol the street in a Lamborghini. You've been bitten by the Middle East bug!

speaking Arabic
American supermarket
Arabic coffee
propane gas bottle truck
punctuality in the Middle East
Arab crowds
Western versus Islamic dress
Arabic toilet
Accidentally grab your same-sex pal's arm as you walk, or choose more than a two-cheek smooch before remembering that people back home don't do that stuff...can cause gender-bending confusion that was never on your mind! You've got the bug.
Dubai lamborghini
speaking Arabic
Do you get SUPER excited and butt into the conversation every time you hear someone speaking Arabic outside the Middle East? Do you use Arabic phrases like 'yallah', 'khallas', 'mabsoot' and 'y3ani' even when talking to non-Arab speakers? You've got the bug.
American supermarket
Do US supermarkets induce panic attacks after years of shopping in tiny local dukkene and veggie shops? Do you wonder why Americans need 10 different kinds of tomatoes? Forty types of salsa? And why so much laundry soap? Don't get us started on the dozens of hummus brands, all of which taste...wrong! You've got the bug.
Arabic coffee
Find that you need to drink twice as much coffee because Western brews don't match the octane levels of the Arabic stuff? You've got the bug.
propane gas bottle truck
You've lost your childhood mania for tinkling ice cream truck music. Now the tunes just make you wonder if you need more propane. Yup, it's the bug.
punctuality in the Middle East
Whaaa...people are actually on-time to things?! Call a doctor, you've got the bug.
Arab crowds
Armed with new tolerance (and testosterone levels!) for coping with queues, you expect lines to be 1 person deep and 30 people wide. Sadly, your new mastery of stealth 'cutting in' gets you nowhere back home. You've got the bug.
Western versus Islamic dress
You feel naked wearing shorts and awkward showing shoulders, regardless of how much skin everyone else has displayed. Your sense of decorum is heightened. Stroll a public beach in a bikini? Don baggy sweats for a run to the shops? The judge is now internalized. You've got the bug!
Arabic toilet
Discovering that you absolutely can't “do your business” without a bathroom hose or bidet. Grossing out your friends by dropping used toilet paper in the waste bin instead of giving it a flush. And how are you supposed to mop the floor when it doesn't have a drain for you to squeegee water into it? Big time bug alert.
Accidentally grab your same-sex pal's arm as you walk, or choose more than a two-cheek smooch before remembering that people back home don't do that stuff...can cause gender-bending confusion that was never on your mind! You've got the bug.
Accidentally grab your same-sex pal's arm as you walk, or choose more than a two-cheek smooch before remembering that people back home don't do that stuff...can cause gender-bending confusion that was never on your mind! You've got the bug.
Dubai lamborghini
You make all your right turns from left lanes, and only use your car horn to celebrate weddings or tawjihi. It's so amusing that the simple drivers of your homeland stay in their lanes and obey traffic rules, but you are mortified that the traffic cop doesn't patrol the street in a Lamborghini. You've been bitten by the Middle East bug!

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